Emma had been moving in since we started dating six months ago, one little object at a time—a chartreuse toothbrush sprouting out of the...

Remember Charlie Bischman? Ponytail science geek, used to watch us from the bleachers? Well, Stacie, guess who drunk-dialed me in August?...

“You’re everything that’s wrong with this country, do you know that?” “Me? I’m sorry sweetheart, I thought that was your side.”...

Good morning, you’re through to RoboHub Technical Support. You’re speaking to Anil today. Can I start by taking the serial number?  It’ll...

Someone, please help me get these Taylor Swift songs out of my head. It’s not my fault, it’s my tween, Hailey. She plays the pop...

One day the sky turned red and the public blamed it on the new Secretary of State for the Heavens. On the contrary, said the Secretary of...

Hi everyone, my name is none of your business and I’m a TED Talk hater. Watching TED Talks started out as a distraction. Something...

Me: Aren’t you supposed to be writing? Me: How can I write when you keep pinging me??? Me: So it’s MY fault? Me: It’s ALWAYS your fault....

For someone better at small talk it would've been as easy as pie to delight while standing in line at the bakery behind a woman and a...

Mark: Pick you up in half an hour. I better get ready, the new underwear I bought is waiting for me to slither into before the date. I...

There’s a brand of packaged dates called ‘Deri Dates’. Tesco does them. Allow me a moment to express the disgust and repulsion this...

Clive Owen, a former acrobat who’d stayed in shape, came to graduate fiction workshop each week in an azure-colored leotard. The only...

Ann presents with tenderness in the mandibular and a new spring haircut. The clinical exam and radiographs reveal no decay or obvious...

Mary Alden sits on the futon, next to her dead body, with her eyes narrowed and arms crossed. “I used the scythe to extract the soul from...

To Jessica Schwartz, From Your Designated Demon: In 6,000 years of existence, I have never had anyone summon me over 200 times in a...

Check-in was smooth, baggage drop easy. The absence of belts, buckles, coins and earrings meant she cleared security having expended a...

It took one misclick. As a checker and rechecker I let the impulse to recheck go just once. And in one fell swoop, I airdropped my pussy...

1.) Wake up. It is important to first wake up. Set your alarm for 4:59 a.m., but wake up at 4:58 a.m. This will establish your dominance...

"This has gone far enough,” snapped Maurice Sterling, head editor of The Story Quarterly (TSQ). He paced back and forth in the editors’...

When it Comes to Breakfast, I Don’t Tread Lightly. I am Naked, Alone, and Locked in my Bathroom Eating Forkfuls of Frosting. For the past...