Koltyn liked Cinnamon Toast Crunch best. It turned him into a giant, grinding dozens of tiny pieces of toast between his teeth, savoring the grainy sugary bits melting on his tongue. His brother Mason preferred fruit loops threading the circus bright Ohs onto his fork tines. Mason never used a spoon and ate his cereal bone dry without a drop of milk.
Aunt Carissa eyeballed the chewing and smacking of lips against candy-colored plastic Ikea bowls. She was not a kid person, but she made an exception for her niblings. She cancelled brunch with friends, her dinner date with the weird but doable guy from accounting, and agreed to babysit while her sister and her husband jetted off to Vegas on a last-minute seat sale. She grimaced at the hurricane of dirty dishes and spilt milk on the kitchen counter.
“Auntie Issa, what’s your favorite cereal?”
“Cah-reese-ah.” Her lips spread wide, tongue clipping each syllable like fresh cut grass. She can’t be their favorite aunt if they can’t even pronounce her name, can she? “I don’t like cereal.”
Koltyn put down his spoon. “What about Honey Combs?”
“No.”
“Mini Wheats?” Mason piped up
“Doubtful.”
“Cheerios?”
Carissa sipped her pumpkin spice latte. “I haven’t tried it, but I’ve never had a cereal I liked. Ergo, I don’t like cereal. Full stop.”
The boys stopped eating. Mason’s fork clattered to the floor, forgotten. “What about—”
Carissa cut him off. “None. Usually, I don’t even have breakfast besides coffee,” she held her Starbucks cup aloft wishing she had sprung for the venti.
Mason frowned. “But mom and dad like cereal.” His logic was sound. If the archetype adults in his life liked something surely all grownups did.
“Well, goody for them,” Carissa glanced at the clock. Exactly eight minutes had gone by. This was going to be a long weekend.
Kolytn went back to slurping up the remaining bit of milk in his bowl before asking, “Have you tried every cereal?”
“Well, no, I haven’t tried every kind of cereal in the whole entire world,” Carissa rolled her eyes and tossed the empty bowls and dirty spoons into the sink with a clatter.
Koltyn stood on his chair. It rocked back precariously before settling under his weight. “There’s only one way to know for sure if you really don’t like cereal.”
“What are you doing? Sit down.”
“We have to try all the cereals!” Koltyn pumped both fists into the air. “We’ll put it on my YouTube channel. We’ll be famous!”
“Yeah! All the cereals. A cereal-eating challenge.” Mason jumped onto his chair, too.
Carissa shrugged and grabbed her car keys. “Idemo. Let’s go, boys.” If cereal was going to kill time and save the weekend, she was in. An hour later, they were at the grocery store with a shopping cart crammed full with 13 boxes of cereal, three jugs of whole milk, two cartons of almond milk, and one carton of barista-friendly frothing oat milk. They grabbed every kind of cereal Buy-Low had on its shelves. At the checkout, the cashier raised a ring-studded eyebrow but said nothing. Carissa tapped her American Express card. $129.68 was a steal for her niblings’ affections.
The boys chattered endlessly into Koltyn’s iPhone live streaming the entire production to his YouTube channel. When they got home, they lined up each box on the dining room table. Stealing computer paper from their mom’s office, they made a list of cereals in a column with blank Yes or No boxes beside. At the top of the list, they wrote ‘Auntie Carissa and the World Cereal Challenge.’
For lunch, they went old school with Rice Krispies and agreed it really needed some strawberries or at least sugar, because it was boring as toast on its own. They ate Coco Puffs and Coco Pops, which tasted exactly the same. The boys checked Yes. Carissa checked No.
For dinner, she insisted on the slightly healthier fibre-rich Raisin Bran, Grape Nuts and Fiber One. It got a big No checkmark from all three of them.
For dessert, they taste-tested Cap’n Crunch, Frosted Flakes, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Honey Smacks. The last of which sounded suspicious, but the boys assured their aunt their parents bought it all the time. They played floor is lava until the Koltyn threw up Pebbles and Paw Patrol Vanilla Crunch all over the couch—and Mason.
Carissa recorded the entire thing in slow-mo. Koltyn’s YouTube video got the most hits ever—11. Two of which were his mom and dad, who, having an evening with similar results could hardly criticize.
No one had a bowel movement for three days. Carissa still doesn’t eat soggy sugar snacks for breakfast, but she keeps her pantry stocked for her loop-loving, crunch connoisseur niblings.
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