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"Coordinates of Relief and Anxiety" by Shikha Valsalan

I see her in my bed,

her body a few inches away from mine.

Almost as tall as me, but not quite yet.

She is fast asleep.

Hands clasped under her face, turned towards me,

tucked under a two-layered cocoon of warm brown flannel.

A pause. A beat.

And a rush of relief.

 

Not a toddler that kept me on my toes the whole day.

A battery-operated machine that went amma amma all day.

A tween who can get her own water.

Eyes closed, lips slightly apart, breathing rhythmically,

A little warm, and deep in sleep.

 

I see her in my bed,

Where I can reach out and touch 

her left eyelid

which twitches ever so slightly

under the weight of childhood dreams.


I see her in my bed,

where I know her exact coordinates

in this world.

If there was to be a fire 

or a gunman

or a pandemic,

she would be right next to me

for me to protect.


I see her in my bed.

A stillness and silence 

fills the room.

Only the shield 

of our shared  

breaths, far away 

from chaos.


I see her in my bed. 

I don’t have to worry 

about fires and floods 

and lightning and choking 

and intruders and perverts 

and aliens and earthquakes

and tsunamis and volcanoes 

and bombs and roofs caving in.


I see her in my bed.

I can be less vigilant.

I can sleep soundly, — 

at least for tonight.




Shikha Valsalan grew up in Dubai and India and currently lives in Atlanta, USA. She works as a digital product manager in her day job and writes in her free time.


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