top of page

"dangerous breed", "other people", & "channeling the baddie" by J. Archer Avary


i was mauled by a dangerous breed

in the Burger King carpark

left me maimed, disfigured for life

may as well been a grizzly bear

the surgeons tried their best to fix me

but they’re no miracle workers

i’m finally accepted what happened

but people can be so cruel

mothers scold their staring children

“don’t stare at that man’s face,” they whisper

as if i’m some kind of monster

but i get it - it’s only human to stare

teenagers are the absolute worst

they spit at me, throw things, call me names

like freak, weirdo, hamburger-face

maybe my face looks like a Halloween mask

but so what - i like the way i look

even though i won’t get back the feeling


other people waste

life looking for

deeper meaning

i look at

my phone instead

it’s like a mirror

i’m a realist

i scroll and swipe

inhabit my wormholes

the ugliness is

frightening at times

but so is reality


they say i’m channelling the baddie from home alone 2:

it’s gotta be the fingerless gloves

or the doofus winter hat with the fuzzy earflaps i wear:

the one that ruins my good hair

i have a perfectly good explanation for that:

a narcissist can manufacture excuses by the thousands

i paint myself the victim of karmic injustice:

the people want slapstick: slips, trips, falls

me, i was born a consummate performer

i will lay down my life to give the people what they paid for

J. Archer Avary is an aspiring ferryboat captain. In past lives he was a punk rock drummer, champion lionfish hunter, and weatherman on Caribbean TV. He was born in the USA and now lives in the Northeast of England with his wife. Recent poems/stories have appeared in MONO Magazine, Bullshit Lit, and the Close to the Bone. Find him on Elon’s dumpster fire of a site: @j_archer_avary

bottom of page