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"Existential 1", "Existential 2"... by Siân Killingsworth



Existential 1


First, we were killing the bees. Then, people cultivated outrage & condescension & put white cubes of bee colonies on roofs in cities, in suburban backyards, at the edges of fields & hashtagged all the ways we were terribly, shamefully wrong, harming not only bees but the land & poisoning the earth – buzzing with anger, we multiplied the cube hives, wrote books, filmed documentaries, speechified against honey consumption, banded together with vegans & wildlife tour guides & enviro-terrorists & angry moms & millennials & went on speaking tours, filmed TedTalks, lectured in elementary school auditoriums, made provocative art & poetry alluding to stingers & getting stung, being inflamed, reddened, hot, irritated, painful & now we find out that the American honeybee isn’t the issue & the cubes were made with formaldehyde so we’re all fucked anyway.



Existential 2


Don’t even get me started

on the monarchs.

The Xerces Society for Invertebrate Conservation says

monarch populations have plummeted

over 99% since the 1980s.


The habitat is lost. Our McMansions

killed the butterflies.

Overwintering sites are ruined.

Tree trimming is too severe and our garden

plots teem with predators. The monarchs

have nowhere to reign.


They need nectar. Showy milkweed. Rabbit brush.

Asclepias is a pretty name

and sounds like a goddess.

The goddess of travel to Mexico.

We are failing

her. The goddess of puffy milkweed pod dander floating on a thermal gust.




Negative Space: in Which a Frog is a Metaphor for Myself


The frog enters the lake, closing

clear third eyelids—involuntary


self-defense—and sinks. Then swims.

Now soft in tetherless green, pretend


it’s yesterday. Or tomorrow.

No doubt, no danger here. Holding


back my own nictating membrane,

revealing to you all


that’s sensitive. Don’t

touch, just whisper. The silhouette


the surround. What can you touch here? A hand closes in on itself.





Blind Spot


Some rare sparrow hops lightly in

to our inhales, inhabits us briefly, searing—


then spills from the body like lava.

Bend your tongue to its flavor, feel


the tiny warm grains of ha ha,

your mouth a palace for jesters.


Grapple with me a moment

and suss out what you can: this groping about


always be fruitless, furtive, always


landing on the offbeat. Call it

syncopation if you like.


But is it love? Inspiration? I cannot

see. I won’t see.




Lemons


I’m dreaming at the chrome faucet

the porcelain sink still wet

dishwasher humming


American kitchen framed

by a thin-paned window

open to the wind


lost in my own reflection

California night sounds all around

the empty room


full of appliances

my lemon tree batters

the house in the wind


branches striking siding

scratching glass

stopping when I try to listen


like a thief breaking in

who’s there?

I’ll bite


that thick rind oily, barely pliant

only yielding to sharpest incisors

nobody answers


bitter, so bitter—

I grind the seeds between my teeth.





Siân Killingsworth (she/her) has been published in Blue Earth Review, Typehouse Literary Journal, Stonecoast Review, Glass: A Journal of Poetry (Poets Resist), andother journals and anthologies. She is the Anthology Editor for the Marin Poetry Center and Curator for the Second Sunday Poetry Series. Find her on Twitter: @sianessa and @2ndSundayPoetry.


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