Thank you for taking me on long walks to places I had never been before, for telling me the names of all the plants and birds and native species. Thank you for taking me to the beach at sunrise to do LSD and watch the day unfold like a goddamn miracle and then coming home with me and listening to songs and being so so so close. Thank you for turning me on to new artists and playing songs I had never heard and thank you for listening to the songs I sent you because I was feeling emotional and couldn’t come up with the words myself. Thank you for not freaking out when I said “I love you” first. Thank you for listening while I read Mary Oliver poems while we were driving out in the country that day. Thank you for listening to me talk about my ex and my parents and my job and going on and on about all the losses of 2020. Thank you for listening to me talk about the neglect, abandonment and abuse of my childhood, and for being a part of my healing. Thank you for being patient when I couldn’t maintain an erection because I was too wrapped up in my head to have fun sex. Thank you for not shaming me when I did drugs or for that time when I cried because the apple orchards were so beautiful or for that time when I cried because you are so beautiful. Thank you for letting me gaze at you and for letting me live with my hand on your chest and my face in your armpits and your crotch and your ass. Thank you for all those hours of Trivial Pursuit and silly tv shows and heavy tv shows and even Star Trek and thank you for letting me call Star Trek Star Wars because I thought it was cute. Thank you for going to the museum with me and for showing me that Kusama documentary. Thank you for not worrying that someone would see when I sucked your dick that time in the cemetery. Thank you for thinking it was cute when I called you when you were out of town at Thanksgiving. Thank you for all those hot dogs and seemingly random road trips that always went just where I needed to be. Thank you for telling me about the history of Rochester and showing me all the places where trains used to run. Thank you for always finding cool rocks at whatever shore we were on and for letting me pick the best ones to keep. Thank you for being excited about my cat. Thank you for making sure I always had reefer and for always knowing the perfect moment to pack a bowl or roll a joint. Thank you for showing me how to light the menorah and how to play dreidel and for not rolling your eyes at all when I played you the Indigo Girls Chanukah song. Thank you for the Maine t-shirt. Thank you for rice and beans and eggs and toast and all those cups of coffee. Thank you for sitting through all those long talks about how I am not evolved enough for an open relationship. Thank you for trusting me enough to go that art show and thank you for the perfect sex we had after. Thank you for being there when I finally enjoyed giving head and thank you for letting me put my hand around your dick even when we weren’t having sex. Thank you for falling asleep at my apartment sometimes and for not thinking it’s lame when I high five after fucking. Thank you for being honest with me and for not pretending to be someone you aren’t to fit into my traditional ways of thinking. Thank you for calling me special and for calling me “mister” and for always using that green heart emoji. Thank you for falling in love with me and thank you for sharing the fall with me.
-TM (12/23/20)