Neon t-shirt of Tweety Bird scowling Does it look like I care?
because you don’t spare anyone’s feelings.
Sheer leopard print blouses
because you are feisty, sassy, and wild!
Windbreaker of Winnie-the-Pooh, elbow-deep in honey
because relatable much? Big girls gotta eat.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. graphic t-shirt
because, like Fat Monica, you dance with donuts, too!
Pandering sentiment about girl power in glittery cursive font
because keep your head up, girly! The future is female.
Distressed AC/DC tank top
because you don’t mind their objectification of women.
Sloppy off-the-shoulder Caution: may contain wine!
because alcohol dependency is quirky when it’s you.
Garfield thinking I’m up. What more do you want?
because you are one lazy piece of shit.
Cowl-neck sweaters and chunky knit scarves
because your double-chin should really be a secret.
The poncho: available in black, brown, and charcoal
because the pinnacle of beauty is a repurposed tarp.