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Grief of Hands Burned to Dust
I just thought about how I won’t hold your hand again
the wrinkles all over each knuckle
you’ve been using them since you pulled the taro
out of the ground as a child back in Samoa
And when you first came here with my father
the first thing you did was cleaning
cleaning the offices of higher ups and those who flew
and sometimes you would talk of the private jets being cleaned
if I could look at your hands again
I would be able to find Tom Cruise in your hands
or that is the story you always told me
cleaned his private jet
the difference between you and him
will always be your oily hands whenever I grabbed them
because you always had to put hand lotion on
you’d get so upset with yourself every time
your long nails would accidentally scratch me
though it was a complete accident
I still remember your touch nine months later
And it doesn’t feel any better that I won’t
feel the individual wrinkles across your middle finger
or the curved that almost always made a ‘c’
on every fingernail
and when my fingernails were long enough
you’d try taking out the dirt from underneath them
like I didn’t know how
and you know I am a nail biter
The look of disappointment every time I came home from college
cause my nails were behind my fingertips
the sun behind the hills
not even the morning sun to peek through
I don’t know how to use my hands with long nails
I use my fingertips for everything
Typing this poem out for the first time
First on my phone then computer
I love the sound the computer makes every time a letter
Comes through, a new thought, new pain— the juxtaposition
of that comfort typing is
I miss my mom more
Boroughs
Often unaware are they
for fortune is on their side
whole animals burrow inside
looking to make a home
where no one has
“to the left of the belly fat”
“just south of the scapular, if
you’ve made it to the ass
you’ve gone too far”
a burrow is a burrow is
a burrow
a burrow of pain to bring
all of me to the tables
sat at, forgotten pillows
only bring regret
new homes to burrow
in old neighborhoods
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