Handyman Special: it’s just right for someone
with a few skills,
some time on their hands
and some elbow grease.
That bowling ball size dent in the drywall
just needs a small piece from the box store and a quick patch,
hasn’t even spiderwebbed across the wall yet.
The discolored carpet
just needs to be pulled up
and I’m sure a good sanding or a quick
patch of some of the boards
will get rid of any seepage
or lingering smell
and if it leaked down into the basement
the dirt floor surely covered it up like nothing.
The flecks of metal that shine with the light,
the ones imbedded in the frames of the windows and doors
really add a unique touch,
something I think most would agree adds value
and if you still want to replace them
prying off a trim board or replacing a door is a quick job.
The property is secluded and has a private lot;
someone could scream for joy
and wouldn’t wake the neighbors.
I’m sure anyone with a green thumb
can get grass to grow over those patches
and they are already rectangular,
so why not use them as garden beds?
The previous owner has left many useful tools:
the axe would be great for cutting your own firewood,
the shovel is a needed tool for anyone who works outside
and a length of rope that sturdy
would be good if you got stuck on that long dirt driveway.
I’m sure you’ll love the place;
people say old houses have personalities,
the walls whisper, you just have to listen!
I once heard the pleats in a chef’s hat
represent the number of ways he can cook an egg,
10 pleats for 10 different ways
and 100 pleats for 100 ways!
Really though, I wonder which way
that chef prefers his eggs
because that’s really what matters,
I know some people like sunny side up,
but that’s a little messy.
Some prefer poached,
but that takes too many steps.
Some love hard boiled,
the cooking is easy enough,
but I don’t have the patience for peeling.
I wonder what it says about me
and my love for scrambled eggs
and no milk
right in the frying pan.