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"Handyman Special" and "Cracking Eggs" by Matt McGuirk

Handyman Special

Handyman Special: it’s just right for someone

with a few skills,

some time on their hands

and some elbow grease.

That bowling ball size dent in the drywall

just needs a small piece from the box store and a quick patch,

hasn’t even spiderwebbed across the wall yet.

The discolored carpet

just needs to be pulled up

and I’m sure a good sanding or a quick

patch of some of the boards

will get rid of any seepage

or lingering smell

and if it leaked down into the basement

the dirt floor surely covered it up like nothing.

The flecks of metal that shine with the light,

the ones imbedded in the frames of the windows and doors

really add a unique touch,

something I think most would agree adds value

and if you still want to replace them

prying off a trim board or replacing a door is a quick job.

The property is secluded and has a private lot;

someone could scream for joy

and wouldn’t wake the neighbors.

I’m sure anyone with a green thumb

can get grass to grow over those patches

and they are already rectangular,

so why not use them as garden beds?

The previous owner has left many useful tools:

the axe would be great for cutting your own firewood,

the shovel is a needed tool for anyone who works outside

and a length of rope that sturdy

would be good if you got stuck on that long dirt driveway.

I’m sure you’ll love the place;

people say old houses have personalities,

the walls whisper, you just have to listen!

Cracking Eggs

I once heard the pleats in a chef’s hat

represent the number of ways he can cook an egg,

10 pleats for 10 different ways

and 100 pleats for 100 ways!

Really though, I wonder which way

that chef prefers his eggs

because that’s really what matters,


I know some people like sunny side up,

but that’s a little messy.

Some prefer poached,

but that takes too many steps.

Some love hard boiled,

the cooking is easy enough,

but I don’t have the patience for peeling.

I wonder what it says about me

and my love for scrambled eggs

and no milk

right in the frying pan.

Matt McGuirk teaches and lives with his family in New Hampshire. BOTN 2021 nominee with words in various lit mags and a debut collection with Alien Buddha Press called Daydreams, Obsessions, Realities available on Amazon and linked on his website.


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