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"He Came Back Years Later but I Was Already Damaged Goods", "Longingness"...by Suzanne Richardson



HE CAME BACK YEARS LATER BUT I WAS ALREADY DAMAGED GOODS


Bright parrots chirp glass songs near your lunette window <<>> I want to keep a California thrasher <<>> But I am afraid it will outlive me <<>> Like your Phoenix tattoo <<>> Over a flesh cloud of

black ink <<>> I lay on your shoulder <<>> I know what is & isn’t real <<>> Know where myth & reality meet <<>> I’ve grown up & sex isn’t everything <<>> What I don’t know: did you really rise from the ashes and all that? <<>> Your three different bottles of pills <<>> Scattered like bird seed <<>> Azines & azepams keep you flying <<>> I’m still crawling along the ground <<>> Still wearing sparrow feathered masks <<>> Never did leave the party where we met <<>> All of eighteen & too virgin-nervous to walk the river <<>> We should have done this years ago <<>> Realizing who we are again to one another <<>> Waiting for birds to outlive us <<>> You want to know if time broke me <<>> If I only like things when they hurt? <<>> Not exactly <<>> When I was twenty-one <<>> A

man asked to play my body like an instrument <<>> & I let him <<>> & honestly I haven’t been the same since <<>>


Longingness



Am I in a relationship with you or longing?



<<>> I need to know how longing <<>> Is like the

number 13 <<>> How the 3 bends <<>> But

the 1 never does <<>> Like heartache <<>> Or a rough

haunting <<>> Always reaching for the 1 <<>> But you

belong to no one <<>> My longing three nets <<>>

Is longing an emotion?



<<>> What I really need is a good trepanning <<>> To rid

the longing <<>> A hole in my head <<>> To cure the 3 in

my heart <<>> Like the brain longs for bubbles <<>> Like

the skull longs for metal <<>> That full heartbeat in the

brain <<>> Brain pulse <<>> How 13 never touches itself

<<>> Reach and reach <<>> Holes may bring relief <<>>

What’s happening between us <<>> So beautiful <<>>

And delicate <<>> Like you blowing a bubble in my mouth

<<>>

Is longingness a word?



<<>> No <<>> But let the word voyage <<>> Let it long

for touch as I write <<>>> I will keep adding letters to the

word <<>> Let it touch you <<>> You <<>> My

longingness <<>>
















Suzanne Richardson earned her M.F.A. in Albuquerque, New Mexico at the University of New Mexico. She currently lives in Binghamton, New York where she's a Ph.D. student in creative writing at SUNY Binghamton. She is working on a memoir, Throw it Up and a full poetry collection, The Want Monster. She is the writer of Three Things @nocontactmag and more about Suzanne and her writing can be found here: https://www-suzannerichardsonwrites.tumblr.com/

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