when hollywood got off the phone
some days before he found the nerve
to take his gun to bed
wanting to be already lying down
we had spoken for an hour or more
back in touch following a reunion
engineered by friends
he could not sleep he said
could not think straight
was troubled by voices in the sky
by memories in the guest room
do you remember he said
do you remember that night we ran
i do remember
we were four in the car
young and running scared
the car behind us full of killers
sabo was driving and that was good
he saved our lives that night no question
he started the beef for some bullshit fun
with a little pistol i had brought along
and there we were on a big old ride
hollywood next to sabo calm and mute
hollywood handsome and strong
carson in the back with me
and shit completely out of hand
and carson
carson the maggot
carson the fool
wanting to stop and fight
sabo had to wreck the family car
but that was good it saved us
sprinting from the wreckage
scattering into the lebanese night to safety
by the old beach road
sabo and hollywood both died headshot
selfshot in the deep safe heart of america
in their middle years
but just the other night
dead these five years past
crazy grinning sabo showed himself to me
i survive but do hallucinate
speaking with the dead i said
hey sabo where you going
with that hole in your head
that silver ghostly blood
i had to ask seeing the hole
where the bullet went in
a rapid blessing
the gun held long enough to speak
i kid myself with all this talk
of oblivion of forgetting of forgiveness
i do think of carson sometimes
and how we all disappear
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