I pointed at that deer in the brush with my finger held out like a gun.
It was just standing there
after all it’s white-tailed friends
hoofed off, and it didn’t even turn
to look my way.
I bet I could SHOOT you
if you’re gonna stand in the clear
like that.
Three fingers back,
pointer finger out,
thumb up,
I took AIM,
squinted my left eye,
closed my right,
exhaled to steady, steady, steady
my GUN
like this.
The damn deer
didn’t move and
I was still pointin’ and
I started feelin’ bad because
I wasn’t even HUNGRY and
even though I don’t have a dollar to my name
my mom is serving me dinner on a nice plate—
as a matter of fact
I’m gaining weight.
So I told myself to put the gun down
and lower my fingers at EASE
but right before I made my move of compassion,
that deer turned around lookin’ me straight in the eyes
without blinking
without shifting
without shaking
in its hooves and
there it stood
straight up
looking me
straight down
like the SOB
was gonna KILL me now,
it’s eyes locked and loaded,
piercing through my body and
into my SOUL,
just like that.
And I shit you not,
I was SCARED.
There were maybe 20 meters between us two,
(hold on let me count)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - it was 31 paces to be exact.
I started to think,
this DEER is going to DEFEND
itself and the others that ran off—
rightfully so.
I’m an INVASIVE SPECIES in their land
pointin’ finger guns for fun
with the eyes of a KILLER
so it only makes sense it’d come back
and RETALIATE,
throw its hooves in my face,
give me a BLACK EYE,
sock me in the GUT,
kick me in the HEART, and
leave me good and DEAD.
A split second of self-reflection
and I was SICK with self-disgust.
I turned around with my head down
and walked the other way
sure it would go on its own way…
but when I looked back,
it was still there
still staring at me
with all the dignity in the world;
and I saw myself from outside and above—IDIOT.
which made me SHRINK inside,
CRAWLING deep down, up into my guts
to hide away from my SHAME.
The TRUTH is, I’m no better than the rest
and I might’ve always been and always be
the countryside’s biggest COWARD
and the world’s biggest FOOL.
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