Do you crave your other half?
Yes, when the storms come and the animals have spread themselves
far from the croft, out across the dark hills. They seem uncountable,
unfindable, gone from my care. I wish that he was still here, sometimes,
if only to help me catch them in. Yes, when I am wakeful,
and the bedroom bloats with shadows. Yes, when the night
is bleak as a crypt, full of ghouls.
How did it feel when that hole was eroded through your shell?
It began as no more than a pinprick. A thing I did not notice.
It grew bigger. I began to imagine my thoughts as creatures, aching to escape.
Each dream became a radula, grinding its way out.
There has always been pain in my head.
One day, I felt my mind passing through the back of my skull
like a calf slipping from its mother’s womb.
Did you ever worry that you might drown?
The Sunday parlour has curtains, swirled the colour of sea. Blue-grey drapes
to close against the blue-grey dusk. After his funeral, folk came to gorge
the tiny sandwiches I had made. They touched my things,
said how they were sorry for my loss. I didn’t lose him. I knew exactly
where he was. The last time he touched me has faded from my skin.
Their prattle rose like a flood. It closed above my head.
Was it easy for you to find love?
I used to watch him as I walked back over the fields. His whistle would carry
like a kite’s shriek upon the sky. The sun made him a false saint,
lit him from behind with light. The hearth-flames made him a vision of hell.
I would think, this is not my house. When did I marry?
Who knitted him that scarf? Who chose that wool?
Who dropped that stitch? I cannot remember casting it on.
Do you know that you are unhinged?
I remember a knowledge of growth. A swallowed secret. I used
to stand at the window with hands across my stomach and a smile
upon my face. There was something inside me, once. I saw myself
in the bubbled glass door – how I laughed at the lady with untidy hair.
Her fistful of flowers seemed a sad thing. If unhinged be
the clasping of foxgloves, then yes, I know this word well.
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