"monday and then tuesday", "unemployment", "ode to stupid boys" & "[unrelenting]" by Michy Woodward

monday and then tuesday

whole milk french style yogurt at noon

the departure of moldy raspberries  

my lawyer is calling, i’m napping, do not disturb

my nails match my matcha, my mug, my morning

i almost reached heaven in a sidecar 

riding alongside candlelit prayers 

my dad says they pray for me every night

i wear sweatpants to sweat beneath the heat

the lines on my arms mean i slept well

pink vibrator on my yellow nightstand

revisionist revising one night stands 

pleasure pulsating air to briefly feel alive 

dear trazodone, the damage has already been done

leftover thai chicken soup but the rice is hard

like opening a jagged can of sweet justice 

in absence of cruelty in fucked up fantasy 

the trash needs taking out 

the bed is not yet made

unemployment 

dark chocolate tahini with sea salt on a perfectly ripe banana my cat’s green bandana her watermelon litter box microwaved coffee that’s too hot the photo of my grandma holding her hand to her cheek on my fridge when i got reiki i was told my ancestors are with me even when i am being unserious gabapentin 3x a day like candy yummmm got plymouth gin delivered & that tree outside my window is finally showing signs of life 

i’m looking for split ends in my hair bc i’m bored maybe i’ll cook some leftover spinach & get strong like popeye maybe i’ll listen to brazilian folk jazz to feel cultured this couple i met last night told me they waited to see i love you until two & a half years in now they're getting married i had a dream abt my parent’s garage clutter & wow how beautiful it is to sleep in again and be a romantic again and go on picnics again and appreciate pink tulips again

ode to stupid boys

my trauma begins in first grade recess; i’m hanging on the monkey bars and a boy named Michael pulls my skirt down like an impulsive thought come to life; and leaves me exposed; i want to be invisibile; bare legs hanging in my days of the week underwear; i think it was the wednesday one; that was the day we had chapel at school; i’m still praying because i’ve never lived that down; i swear i’ve hated boys since then; in fourth grade i left my white training bra inside my open front desk; you know the kind you crammed crumpled papers and books; i used to stuff my training bras in there like hidden treasure; one day Ricardo went digging in my desk and found them and showed the whole class; he struck gold; the irony is not lost on me that my training bra never trained me for that moment; then there was the time i asked Zack to the fifth grade banquet and the teacher intercepted the note; the teacher laughed; the boy said no; i can’t catch a break; in seventh grade science class and i’m walking up to the front of the classroom to turn in an assignment; brand new silver and pink nikes my mom just bought me at the orlando outlet mall; Leonardo asks if those are grandpa shoes; now grandpa shoes are cool! i never wore them to school again; girls were never mean to me; boys were; stupid boys made me like girls;

[unrelenting] 

i am a rapid forming hurricane / rising inside you / the way we collided / was accidental / like two destructive storms / addicted to the spin / begging to be restrained / someday you’ll bleed gay / refusing to sink desire / beneath your leather boots / digging / holding / craving / burying / wavering / promising / tasting / yearning / averting / panicking / brimming / with something / hallucinogenic / fighting to love and grieve / and grieve and love / conspiring to take form / like our saturn returns / challenging what we are / mourning every part of you / i never explored / what made me your home / that sunday / we spent all day sharing stories / you told me about that week in vietnam / your crazy roommate / agent orange / you let me / see you / but only at a glance / you hated / when i called you aloof / rearranged your inconsistencies / for me / the failures of our own shame / memories that feel faceless / voicenotes that live in perpetuity / your voice / tucked away in my ears / etched on train rides / first thing in the morning / before sleep / on walks home / after work / when i cooked / as i got ready / and cleaned / you listened / i memorized / the way you spoke / in exalt / experimenting with / the fragility of / distant / hyphen / emotionally / hyphen / unlovable / hyphen / desperately seeking / the way / we fell apart / at the end of july / tiptoeing to conclusions / hiding behind the camouflage / of your pigmented cheeks 

Michy Woodward (she/her) is a queer, mixed-race Asian-American Brooklyn based writer and artist. Her poetry has been published or is forthcoming in Queerlings, Lavender Review and The Amazine. You can find her on instagram @michywoodward.