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"My Reviews" by Kate Deimling

Clementa No-Kill Mousetrap Boxes – 5 stars

Never had mice in the summer before, but somehow they’re getting in. Don’t want to kill the little suckers and these traps worked great. I give my 12-year-old son a dollar to go release the mouse in the neighborhood. My husband says someone else will just have to kill it but hey, at least it isn’t me!

HealthyHeart Heart Rate Monitor – 1 star

Wish I could give this product zero stars. I bought it to start running with my teenage daughter again. When I put the monitor on it shows my heart rate for five seconds, then the screen goes blank. My daughter hasn’t gone running with me yet, but I tried hers too and it was the same. Shoddy manufacturing and it was not cheap!!! Sending these back.

SoBrite Noise-Canceling Headphones – 2 stars

Bought these headphones for my 12-year-old son. They work, but they’re not noise canceling. He can still hear whatever is going on while he’s gaming which means he is turning the volume up too high and hurting his ears. Also the plastic is flimsy and seems like it could break if he drops them or slams them down.

GoBigg Super 8-Quart Combo Air Fryer – 3 stars

Unfortunately there is a gross chemical smell every time this air fryer is turned on. My husband thinks I’m crazy, but his sense of smell is shot after getting Covid. I tossed it in the trash, but the next day my husband “rescued” it and made sweet potato fries. I refused to eat them, but everyone else said they were good. So 3 stars I guess? If you don’t mind a chemical smell that makes you think the air fryer might give you cancer???

Soothing Sounds Multi-Option Peaceful Noise Machine – 4 stars

Helps me fall asleep. I like the babbling brook and the ocean waves. Taking away one star because it’s hard to get the button to click on or off.

Perfect Clean Crystal Care 11-Setting Dishwasher – 1 star

This dishwasher has a gazillion settings but none of them actually get the dishes clean. My parents had the same dishwasher for 40 years and never replaced it. Things were made to last back then. We’re hosting Thanksgiving this year and it’s going to be a disaster with this piece of shit dishwasher that can’t even handle a plate with a tiny bit of tomato sauce on it!!!

Breaking the Hold of Video Game and Internet Addiction by Kavin J. Howards – 1 star

This “book” is just a few ideas from someone without any special knowledge of the subject. It’s full of typos and the suggestions like limiting video game time are so obvious that they’re useless. There’s a long chapter about porn that I didn’t need because thank God my son is not looking at that yet as far as I know.

Sure Sens Multi-Drug At-Home Simple Urine Testing Kit – 1 star

PROBLEMS: 1) Came in a box that says DRUG TESTING KIT in big letters. It sat on my porch all day and everyone passing by could see it. The last thing I need is to be the subject of neighbors’ gossip. 2) After a huge scene with my daughter when we told her to pee in the cup, we get a positive result and find out it could mean anything from marijuana to heroin, so not super useful. Then my husband does some research online and turns out there are false positives 25% of the time! So my daughter’s in tears and slams her door so hard a picture falls off the wall in the hallway and breaks and my husband’s saying it’s my fault for making her into an enemy and what does this even prove and she’ll be in college soon living her own life anyway.

Hang Loose No-Tuck Dark Paisley Stylish Men’s Oxford Shirt – 5 stars

Didn’t know what to get my husband for Christmas, but this shirt caught my eye. I like the way it’s cut shorter so it can be worn untucked. My husband says it makes him look too thick in the middle. I think on a different man this shirt would look really great.

Dainty Pyramid Necklace for Girls with Cubic Zirconia – 5 stars

This was for my 16-year-old daughter for Xmas. My husband says the pyramid looks like a weird freemason symbol and my daughter hasn’t been wearing it so maybe nobody else likes it, but what do they know – I think it’s lovely.

StarScope Refracting Portable Telescope – 5 stars

Bought this for my son for Xmas. I would’ve loved something like this when I was a kid. It’s just been sitting in the box in the corner of the living room. So I set it up one night and I’ve been taking it out in the backyard. I’ve looked at the moon, Venus, Mars and Jupiter. It’s freezing outside, but I love it! After everyone’s in bed I come downstairs and pour myself a big glass of wine and bundle up. It’s quiet and the empty tree branches frame the sky, and I think back to when I learned about the planets when I was nine and how they’re still all the same as they were then even if I am not.

TrapMastery Glue Traps – 5 stars

Our mouse problem is out of control. I think they’re coming in under the loose storm door, but my husband can’t be bothered to fix it. These glue traps are disgusting, but they get the job done. Every morning when I find a mouse on the glue, I stick it in a bucket and drown it. Their limbs tremble, but it doesn’t take long until there are no more bubbles and they’re still. They seem to drown faster when the water is cold.

Kate Deimling is a poet, writer, and translator from French. Her poetry and fiction have appeared in I-70 Review, Tar River Poetry, Valparaiso Poetry Review, Roi Fainéant Literary Press, Ellipsis Zine, Waxwing, and other magazines. Kate is an associate poetry editor at Bracken and was a finalist in the 2022 J.F. Powers Prize for Short Fiction. A native New Orleanian, she lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her family. Find her online at

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