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"Phantom Pain", "Scrooge McDuck", & "Friendshipstein" by Kyle Solomon



Phantom Pain


The little things like

sitting on Zelda's Title Screen.

That sad piano title theme.


Pop Art, Pop-tart,

spring out the toaster one day

and now you're an old fart.


"Remember that movie?

Or the Globetrotters with Scooby?"


Yeah, I remember the gang,

times have changed

we no longer hang.

Different branches

different stances,

we pass each other with sideways glances.


But every night, down in the park

I see our blue ghosts

race and tiptoe

back to the start.



Scrooge McDuck (a poem of crossword clues)


When I was a young

bit of plankton

I was attacked

by a Dead Duck wielding

a fanny-pack and donning a Scottish cap.


He came barreling down the hill like a

Feudal Baron or a Boeing 757.

Holding his anger like an item in a holster.

"I'll do it too!" he quacked and smacked

me around like an R2D2.


I joined a karate school, studied

Draft.com and mastered ti-chi.


Now, approaching middle age and

cooked like an onion ring,

I visit the old dodo.

He breathes the sound of

an unsound floor.


Years and years and years,

trees with seeds that whirl like

helicopter blades continue to fall.


There is pity

and there is compassion.


"I hope that you're satisfied now."



Friendshipstein


We fell apart like the cuts of

a dismantled Frank

and Stein glasses were shared

the last time we met up.

Un-stressed stitches, nothing abrupt.

The limbs of our friendship

nosedive to the floor.


“So what now?” We shift awkwardly.

You look at your phone and then cough at me.

You remind me of a bad band’s cacophony,

an unlit dance floor

and the stationary punch bowl

that no one drank from

at that Ogre’s 13th Birthday party.

“You remember that, don’t you?”


Your jaw starts to slip out of place

while we recollect and trace old timelines.

“Friend-ship-stein, you aren't looking too great.”

“I’ll make it,” you say.


Loneliness is a pile of limbs

on a bar stool.

And solitude is

a marble

hidden in a can

somewhere in Poznan

or San Francisco

that waits to be discovered

by a child

and held in the air

like a prize.


I tell you, I’m heading home for the night.

You mush-mouth something trite,

but you’re long dead

and too drunk

for it to make any sense.

I say, “I’ll see you next time.”

You say, “my neck’s fine.”

Another miscommunication,

I know you won’t survive

another New Year’s celebration.


So, I stack you up on the bar,

call you a car, order you

water with a straw and

I try to be nice.

I leave you there alone,

head on the counter,

chewing cubes of ice.




Kyle Solomon is a writer and poet from Baltimore, MD. His previously published works can be found in SUPERJUMP, The Free State Review, and Grub Street. Devoted to the strange, phantom intersection between smart and stupid, Kyle writes poetry, fiction, speculative essays, and game reviews.

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