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"Reasons I Cried During Pregnancy Part I and II*" by Melissa Flores Anderson

Reasons I Cried During Pregnancy Part I and II*

Written in 2017

Part I

I tend to be a bit of a crybaby already so it shouldn't have come as a surprise to me that I've cried almost every single day of my pregnancy for some reason or other. I am totally aware of how irrational this response is in many of the situations in which I've found myself, but I still can't quite keep the waterworks from turning on. Luckily, in most instances, it passes quickly. My husband has theorized that irrational crying is a way to prepare parents for the magnitude of crying they will be experiencing once baby arrives.

Here is a list of some of the reasons I've cried since I found out I was pregnant:

1.) The initial positive pregnancy test - tears of joy.

2.) In Ikea as we perused storage solutions for our apartment, I cried that I won't have a nursery to decorate and this is probably the only baby I will ever have so it's not fair and we should move immediately to a bigger place.

3.) I was tired and went to bed, but my husband stayed up watching episodes of "Big Bang Theory" and didn't come to bed to cuddle me.

4.) I woke up in the morning and my husband was not in bed to cuddle me.

5.) My boss called me right at 5 p.m. and gave me an assignment that made me have to work 30 minutes late.

6.) The first episode of the "Gilmore Girls" revival because Lorelai and Rory are such an awesome pair and I want a daughter so I can have that relationship, too. This was before I realized how bad the four episodes would be (I still haven't finished watching them.)

7.) I tried to make deviled eggs for a party and the eggs did not cook right.

8.) I made lentil soup and it came out too salty.

9.) A homeless man was begging for money at a freeway entrance and I started thinking what would I do if my little bug became homeless someday and it led to hysterical sobbing in my car.

10.) Lori's death on "The Walking Dead" after giving birth to a baby girl. I made my husband promise he wouldn't lose it if I die because he has to take care of our little bug.

11.) I almost lost my phone at The Habit Grill when it fell out of my pocket. To be clear, I did not lose it. I just almost lost it.

12.) I got sick for the second time in two months and cried because it was not fair.

13.) My sister accidentally knocked my favorite chocolate out of my hand onto the floor.

14.) I ate French fries and my blood sugar got too high.

15.) I forgot to test my blood sugar after a meal.

Part II

My emotions leveled out in the second trimester, but as I started the third trimester some of the irrational responses started to reappear though not yet with quite the same vengeance as the first trimester. Here are a few of the reasons I cried later in pregnancy:

1.) My husband's cousin planned a kid's birthday party for the same day as my baby shower.

2.) We watched "Forrest Gump" and I started crying because I don't want to die and leave Baby Lucas without a mother.

3.) The baby kicked me and I said he was a bad baby—I immediately started bawling and felt like if anything were ever to happen to the baby it would be my fault for saying he was bad.

4.) I read a blog post about a woman whose baby had anencephaly in the middle of the night and bawled uncontrollably. My husband made me swear off reading any community posts on blogs or pregnancy apps about sick or dying babies, especially right before bed.

5.) The jungle-themed wall decal we put up at my parent's house fell down.

6.) We watched an episode of "Futurama" and there was a reference that reminded me of the moving "Hachi" in which a dog faithfully waits for his dead owner to return for years.

7.) I had to create a Google form for work.

8.) At a childbirth class, the health educator told us our bodies are not lemons - I started crying because my body is a lemon.

9.) The perinatology nurse said that numbers over 140 make baby’s pancreas work harder I and I started to worry that I am destroying my baby's pancreas.

10.) A song from the "Juno" soundtrack came up on my iPod and I started thinking about how sad I would be if I had to give my baby up for adoption.

11.) My husband snored too much and I couldn't get to sleep.

12.) I couldn't get the soundbar to work on the television when I was home alone.

13.) I went to a U2 concert and the band took too long to come on stage (they had the audacity not to start until 9 p.m. and I was tired.)

14.) I read the book "The Wonderful Things You Will Be" that I got from my parents at my baby shower.

15.) My husband set up the hand-me-down bassinet and put a Winnie-the-Pooh mobile on it - and it was too fucking cute.

And don’t even get me started on the reasons I cried during that postpartum, no sleep, the baby-is-crying-all-the-time months after I gave birth. But eventually, I mellowed back into my normal crybaby ways, and now I only cry at sad movies, sad books, sad songs, well, you get it.

Melissa Flores Anderson is a Latinx Californian and an award-winning journalist. Her creative work has been published by Punk Noir Magazine, Livina Press, Variant Lit, Roi Fainéant Press, and is forthcoming in Daily Drunk Magazine and the Write Launch. She served as a co-guest editor of Roi Fainéant Press’ first special issue, HEAT (6.26.22). Follow her on Twitter @melissacuisine or IG @theirishmonths.


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