Spiritual Awakening
cousin rolled up in grandpa’s backyard
waiting for the one to come home
grandpa said “you can’t control a man, but you can control your emotions”
yea yea blah blah
i released them anyway
nature of man nature of man
where did my love go?
i carried the emotional weight on my shoulders
my heart waited for hours
but He never came.
uncle asked “nyah. Do You Know What A Slop Jar Is?
no. i don’t
listen to this
donald byrd 1973
a melodic high beyond words,
funky rhythms shroud us like a forcefield,
a time capsule punching my soul
i feel nothing now
these country nights
ancestral experience
right in front of my eyes my whole life
why couldn’t i see it before?
“i’m sittin on a slop jar
waitin for my bowels to move
i’m sittin on a slop jar
waitin for the pain to go”
he passed the j over to me
i couldn’t take it no more
why must we go through this sufferin’?
i’ve been searching
for answers ever since.
Freedom
sometimes I wonder what does freedom feel like
we’re not free, our bondage has taken a new form
i wish you all could see it like I do
i’m running from something hidden inside me
my mind shows me all I need to know
i‘m not in control anymore I’ve surrendered to Spirit
guiding me, divinely.
i’ll never lose, Beloved.
i see my ancestors around me in everyone
why can’t we see it?
it’s been blinded from us. but wow,
if We are the descendants of queens kings and gods,
then why can’t we be those too.
they’ve minimized us once again, but
Freedom is near I can feel it.
the astronomer said if you look to the sky,
you’ll be guided by generational stories.
oh I wish we knew the stories our people told
of the vast sky and it’s secrets unfold
we all have a story
we all have a goal
i’ve been arrested because of my mind alone.
isn’t that powerful?
i’ll share my story in time but all I can do is write
write until i’m free.
Shit, I feel free.
Acceptance
coming to terms with my condition
is the hardest thing i can do
you mean the old me died
system cracked
and now i have to make do with the new?
something like that
but ill be okay
ill be alright
ill live a normal life
i deserve at least that.
Vulnerable
To be vulnerable is to die
Every person I like
I can’t get it together
I bottle my emotions like water
I dance around my meanings in fear
I wait til the bond fizzles out and scream
All I wish I could’ve said
when I had you in my reach
how unfair to you
and cowardly of me