When I finished Yellowface's eleventh chapter by R F Kuang, my armpits were sweaty, and my mouth was dry. I was astounded because, after over ten years, I recollected the first few days when my ex cyberbullied me. I was just 19, in the closet.
Yellowface is Kuang's satirical novel on the publishing world. It is about the people it comprises and the ways they operate. It included two primary characters: Athena Liu, a young New York Best Seller Asian author, and June Hayward (aka Juniper Song), Athena's college Yale contemporary/friend who craved Athena's literary success. Written from the perspective of Hayward, a white woman from the US, Kuang took us to the harsh realities of the publishing world and writers' exploitation through various stages of their writing careers. Through her gripping narratives, Kuang's Yellowface, written in Hayward's voice, takes readers to Hayward's publishing journey, which came along with a series of dark, uncomfortable, and deeply unconceivable scrutiny and solitude after an alleged Twitter rumor that Hayward secretly stole Athena's unfinished book, the Last Front, and published Athena's book as her second book. Though Hayward's character already had established in the story how she secretly stole Athena's manuscript and the circumstances around it, Athena's ex from eternity past spread this rumor without concrete proof through a ghost Twitter account for his financial benefit and a tinge of jealousy when Hayward's book became an overnight hit.
Kuang's story plot becomes even more interesting when Hayward's character, throughout the novel, maintains the claim that she is the sole author of The Last Front despite knowing the stakes for her writing career. To stand firm on her claim, Hayward survives a series of public bullying and a series of harassment moments. A substantial part of this harassment was online. The novel later depicts the complex culture of bullying on alleged theft and plagiarism accusations, delving further into racial, privilege, and cultural appropriation allegations Hayward encountered, specifically on Twitter. Though a satire, Kuang's novel reminded its readers how social media could be emotionally debilitating and cause a public debacle if someone is bullied and trolled in cyberspace without any potential proof. Yellowface's eleventh chapter is the descriptive testimony of such online attacks.
The eleventh chapter of Kuang’s recent novel closely describes social media's 'dark side' in the modern world and how one can be made uncomfortable or publicly humiliated. In my late teens in India, I confronted my bully ex about his possessiveness and micromanaging, and I finally broke up with him. It was also the time when being gay in India was a punishable offense according to Indian Penal Court Section 377. Though it was a one-sided breakup, I was naive enough to think it was over. Then, he showed up at my place within the next few hours and told my parents I was "gay." Unfortunately, it was not all.
ALL MY SOCIAL MEDIA WERE GONE when I got on my computer the next day. Passwords were changed. My registered email accounts had been hacked. I troubleshooted using my mobile, but the number associated with the accounts was changed. "This number is not associated with this account" would appear on my screen. My college friend told me he saw a LinkedIn update on his wall that I now work as a "professional Gigolo." This friend did not know I was gay, and after a long pause, he disconnected. He avoided me for the rest of our freshman year. I was taken out of all college WhatsApp groups, after all, those friendships were just a few semesters long. A few other friends called out of frustration to ask if I was in my senses because they were being sent porno clips from my FB account.
Everyone knew it was out of character for me to do something like this, but cyberbullying is an almost unheard phenomenon, at least among the public. To take matters into my own hands, I made another FB account to spread the news that all my original accounts had been hacked. When I read Hayward saying in the eleventh chapter, "I should have stopped looking once I'd glimpsed what I thought was the bottom of the pit of internet stupidity. But reading discourse about myself is like prodding at a sore tooth. I'm compelled to keep digging, just to see how far the rot goes." I could not agree enough. But little did I know bullying was about to heat up.
I started getting random phone calls from people asking my rates to sleep with them and messages telling me they got my number from my LinkedIn and FB. The water went up my head when my acquaintances and professional contacts phoned to confront me about my alleged rude and vulgar behavior on social media. A few female colleagues even got rape threats from my account. That was when I could not do anything else but stay glued to my laptop to see what my ex had been misusing my original account, just like Hayward's character in the eleventh chapter. Though Hayward did steal Athena's book and was afraid of being caught, and my situation was radically different, Kuang's fiction shed light on the under-explored phenomenon of cyberattacking and its detrimental impact on one's mental health and well-being.
Reading (and then re-reading) Kuang's eleventh chapter of Yellowface reminded me of my unreachable urge, such as Hayward's, to control all the cyberbullying I witnessed myself or what people sent to me. Every day, my original accounts would have fake claims and secrets that I did not want to share publicly. Secrets and matters of my past that I confided in my partner were out in the public sphere. My account would send threats to connections and friends. People called my friends, parents, and relatives to find out what was happening. People I did not get along with said, "We always knew something was off with him." or some version of it. This cyberattacking would ultimately loop into me and my family receiving threats. I received my first death threat on a phone call when I was 19 from an anti-LGBT group from an FB account with no photo. My nose bled thrice later that night.
No matter what one says, who says, using what language, or how many times, the bullying victim does not want to get away from social media despite its toxicity. I know I could not, just like Kuang's character Hayward. Every notification would make me gulp my saliva, even if there was none. I lost hope for my old life. My fingers used to tremble while operating my computer's mouse. I uttered the exact words when I read what Hayward said while confronting cyberbullying on Twitter for allegedly stealing Athena's work (alleged because it was never proved) The eleventh chapter of Kuang's book is about the bitter reality of how our compulsive dependency on social media becomes the cause of how people's rationality gets compromised. In her work, Kuang evoked the language of terror, betrayal, and embarrassment I had to face in my own life.
While reading Hayward's anxieties in the moments, I often reminisced about the deep quandaries and mental scars cyberbullying left me for the longest time of my life afterward. Kuang did an exceptional job of curating a victim character witnessing baseless cyberbullying scenarios, which led the character to think only the worst versions of their life would possibly be if not taken charge of control. This immediate and anxiety-inducing human instinct overpowers intuitive human reaction to think positively and the power of manifesting a brighter future despite everyone being overly trained to do so. I recalled how cyberbullying changed my mindset of looking at the world with the tendency to distrust everyone. It took me years to find my bearings and look for a cheaper therapist I would secretly hire (because most in India then thought only those with mental illness go for therapy.) and learn the art of controlling anger and not retaliating.
After a decade, I do not blame myself for what happened and am comfortable with my sexuality. When I read Hayward's cyberbullying experience in Chapter 11, I felt juxtaposed. I was sad that the character had to deal with gaslighting and the online whatabouttery. However, I felt heard and soaked in the denouement, thinking at least there are cautionary tales now of what Hayward, a fictional character, and I survived online.
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