I have seen suffering
It even has a scent
You tip your poison and gulp the numb
Words slow, steps falter
Pitch changes, eyes flutter
Rock bottom does not exist
when you’re always searching for the bottom of the bottle
The merry-go-round circles again
Dizzying for us both, too fast to get off
I tell you things and you pretend to remember
You were there but not here
Double letters exist to help you
The stale coffee, echoes of support
But what about those who don’t anesthetize,
the ones who remember it all?
A caregiver should not be a child
Now I have dysfunction, too
Codependent, it’s called
I try and fix things, to control
I’m only trying to help
Boundaries mean nothing when they’ve been trampled, invisible
The cycle starts over
you were doing so good
I dive in to save you
I hold you as I swim to shore
I’m kicking for both of us
Don’t you want to live?
The burden is too heavy to hold
My body shakes with adrenaline
Crisis strikes again
Maybe it’s my drug of choice now all thanks to you
I thought I could save you, it’s all I want
But I can no longer carry us both
You have to swim, too
My face tilts for oxygen, the water laps my face
I’m in over my head now
It may be too late
There’s no chance I can save you
If I hang on, we both drown
You anchor me to this deep abyss
But if I let go, maybe I can save myself